The Atmosphere We Create
Sep 01, 2022
“A horse doesn’t care how much you know until he knows how much you care. Put your hand on your horse and your heart in your hand.” – Pat Parelli*
Alright parents, this one's for you.
Something similar between horses and children; they care not for your job title, your education, or your life experience. They care if you create a safe space for them; if you are gentle, patient and kind.
Sometimes (**cough cough** all the time) easier said than done.
I know, speaking purely for myself, that when I'm in a 'mood' and not cautious, I can lash out on my children. I'll yell about something trivial, or snap out an answer when asked a question. Not exactly the behavior that is needed to create a safe environment for my kids.
I remember being chastised as a child and teen, and it would ruin my entire day. I would feel sad, and desperate for forgiveness. And quite honestly, I really don't want my kids to experience those emotions because I'm feeling some sort of way.
Parelli was quoted in a 2017 edition of Horse and Hound saying:
"I guess the biggest thing is that people who think like people have a lot of trouble understanding real horsemen who think like horses* (1)
On that same line of thought, adults expecting children to be adults, will never understand children.
Does that make the temper tantrum of my daughter any easier to deal with? Or keeping calm when my oldest gives me a 'death stare' for asking him to do his chores?
My answer is yes, yes it does. Because I'm not so far away from my own youth that I've forgotten how difficult it can be. The mind and body shifts and develops in gigantic strides between the ages of 2 and 20. That's A LOT to deal with, especially when your brain hasn't developed well enough to manage.
As parents (and horse parents) we are more effective in our relationships if we practice empathy.
We've all been afraid, anxious, moody, and sad. Being higher up in the intellectual ladder than our children (human and horse), it's our responsibility to be mindful of the atmosphere we are creating.
*Pat Parelli is an American horse trainer who practices natural horsemanship and founded the Parelli Natural Horsemanship program.
