Thoughts From Outside the Paddock- Boundaries.

Sometimes a horse will forget they are, well, horses.

I remember cleaning stalls as a kid and there was one or two of these majestic four legged toddlers that LOVED to pin me in a corner. I would have to make a full stop on cleaning and figure out a way to get this loveable animal away from me.

I learned that a NOT smart idea was to try to push a horse away, considering a horse has a natural reaction to move into the pressure. My toes never forgave me for that mistake. What I ended up learning was that in order to move the horse away, I needed them to move forward or backwards, and gently so.

Boundaries are important between all living creatures. Boundaries are how animals and people stay safe and respectful with their interactions. 

Boundaries are paramount in our many levels of relationships; romantic, familial, professional and social (friendships). “Boundaries create trust and build healthy relationships. Even when some people don’t like what you do, they will likely still respect you for standing up for what you believe in. Boundaries also generate safety in relationships.” (Forbes, 2021)

I had a friend some years ago that had an…. inquisitive mother in law. And by inquisitive, I really mean meddlesome with a sprinkling of demeaning. She would come over unannounced, would criticize how my friend cleaned and cooked, would make inappropriate inquiries about the level of intimacy and bedroom activity. That last one was because Mommy dearest wanted grandbabies and wanted to know if her son and my friend were taking the proper measures to make that happen. If you’re thinking that she sounds horrible, that’s because she is.

In the interest of making a very long story shorter, I’ll go ahead and tell you that at some point my friend hit her breaking point and finally verbalized to her mother in law that her behavior was unacceptable. And then after a long process, where there was a lot of work on behalf of all parties, they developed a very healthy set of boundaries. YAY! Everyone wins!

As we see in many personal stories, not all calls for stating and establishing boundaries are respected or even acknowledged in some instances. Nevertheless, the effort must be made. Just like how I needed to figure out how to communicate with the horses, humans need to find ways to communicate their wants and needs to others. I added some illustrations below to give simplified examples of setting boundaries.

With each and every statement, there is clarity, “I don’t respond to work emails on the weekend.” or “You’re welcome to come over, but you’ll have to leave in 45 minutes”. There is no apology, no compromise, no room for misunderstanding. There is no reason to be rude or disrespectful, and if the person you are speaking to becomes one or both of the aforementioned attitudes, then you can say “If you keep this disrespect up, I’m ending this conversation”.

See? Boundaries.